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whenever_i_get_close_to_someone
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onlyme
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i do fucked up things and it pushes them away. i grow to like them so much and they never like me the same. why cant life be simple for once??
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030521
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pipedream
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close in 'that' sense....everything in my head flies out of the window, and i just sit there feeling like an empty bean, cussing inwardly at all the godforsaken everything that clutters my head usually and decides to waltz away somewhere just when i need them the most. aargh! its so pissin' since then you probably look like a stupid old goon with nothing to say when actually you're bursting with ideas and thoughts and poems and snatches of song...in normalcy, that is, that all come flooding back after whoever saunters around the corner. scowl.
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030522
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man of la munchies
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i take a big whiff of their toe cheese
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030522
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unhinged
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i begin to feel not myself. he has talked to me so much about his problems and i can only tell him in a letter. if i can get away with not talking about something, i will. i have been closer to him than i have been to anyone. but i think eventually, i will always start to feel alienated. from what, i'm not quite sure. but as soon as i start to feel that way, i just want to be alone. if i could just tell him, i am sure he would understand. why can't i tell him?
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030522
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unhinged
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incubator babies grow up into adults with attachment disorders
human beings are biologically and neurologically wired for partnership; the idea that we need to love ourselves before we can love others is reductive and biologically ridiculous especially for women. yes, there is a neurological difference to our brains that makes us even MORE relational. quit telling me that i'm weak and dumb for requiring human relationship.
how to find people that are worth my time is actually the issue. i was brought into this world isolated and often feel most comfortable isolated which leads to a lot of interesting issues, but my heart and what it desires are not the issue. being open, caring, and empathetic is not the issue. how to open my mouth and state my needs when i am not isolated is actually the issue.
is using her pandemic time to poke at the sorespot and find the root
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201204
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