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ItGirl
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It seems to me that if you place music (and books, probably, and films, and plays and anything that makes you feel) at the center of your being, then you can't afford to sort out your love life, start to think of it as a finished product. You've got to pick at it, keep it alive and in turmoil, you've got to pick at it and unravel it until it all comes apart and you're compelled to start all over again. Maybe we live at too high a pitch, those of us who absorb emotional things all day, and as a consequence we can never feel merely content: we have to be unhappy, or estatically, head-over-heels happy and those states are difficult to achieve within a stable solid relationship...
...So I picked and unraveled and pulled as hard as I could... and it came apart... you were just too solid...
...Luckily, however, there were traitors, fifth columnists, in the opposing camp. some boys knew of other boys whose girlfriends would "let" them do anything; sometimes these girls were supposed to have actively assited in their own molestation. nobody ever heard of a girl undressing, or even removing or loosening undergarments, of course. that would have been taking collaboration too far...
...I took it too far. Made it too easy. Am I a traitor...
...I was being unrealistic, of course. you run the risk of losing anyone who is worth spending time with, unless you are so paranoid about loss that you choose someone unlosable, somebody who could not possibly appeal to anybody else at all...
...and I lost you to someone who wasn't really there. Just a shadow. You are worth spending time with...
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030707
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