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non lucid
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i'm so fucking frustrated over this
it's a boy... always a boy... always a boy who's killing me
but he's not even worth it, this is why i hate it
he's just a bloody arrogant bastard
who's a couple years older than me and occasionally used to glance my way in math class, appreciates 0wnage and that i occasionally pwn
not enough for him, though, apparently
he doesn't really give a shit about me at all, apparently
every time i see him i die again... i glimpse here and there, catch myself staring abstractedly out the window next to him
brilliant dude...
i hate him
i can't stand him
i'm infinitely happier when i am not around him and know he's not around
tense and worried and nervous and wondering if and when i'll see him when he is
and he brushes past without even raising an eyebrow in acknowledgement... as do I
because i don't care, right?
he doesn't matter, right?
right? right? right?
[not so...]
and then i blather it... gah...
i want him
but i don't like him
and i can't have him
the only thing i won't do is cry over him
he's not worth tears
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050908
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