|
anne-girl
|
I used to be a christian... back a year and a half ago, starting when i was ten, and gave my heart to christ, they said, was "born again", my decision. I thought it was beautiful... the pure love that it was based on, the simple principle "love thy neighbour as yourself", let myself be pulled into the worship songs we sang at camp, at night, around the campfire
Late at night, flames, songs... this was what christianity was - I'd go back to real life, to school, and not see the correlation, but I went to church every Sunday... all that
It's always difficult to stay strong in the real corrupt world, they say, and it was. No sex && corruption stories here, though... it's just that i didn't pray all that much, just quietly held beliefs that i'd occasionally express when nobody was listening
And then i became friends with a slightly outspoken atheist and had a hopeless crush on him for a year or so around the age of fifteen, and we'd discuss life and meanings and i couldn't reconcile my faith anymore and it went away
So I was standing on a hill today, by the park in the heart of suburbia next to the airport and wondering what truth is, what to believe... all kinds of metaphysical crap. Because religion/faith in my experience was a wonderfully comforting and securing thing... but it doesn't make any logical sense to me at the moment...
And I think i'm falling in love with math, the sciences, with the abstract theorems, like fractals, everything related in weird and quirky ways that i would never have thought of... so much there, and i just want to jump in the sandbox and play all day...
I'm seeing the surface, the beginning of what's possible, and i want to see more... find truth, somewhere
Truth can't be any one thing... no view of everything's absolutely right... there's so fantastically much to know about everything and even if you knew everything intellectually maybe there'd still be stuff you couldn't understand
what to believe...
wonders
|
050426
|
