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Farool
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You can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink. Excuse me while I rant on the fuck-wittedness of what's going on right now. My parents are trying to make me do my homework. Which, naturally, I'm not doing. Why? Because this is one of the fucking stupidest things that I've ever seen. So, here's how this works. Ever since third grade I have been flunking. I've been sent to the mental hospital twice, and I've had countless shrink and counsellor sessions, and every single fucking time they tell my parents the same thing 'Teddy's not lazy, he doesn't lack discipline, he's not lacking drive, he's not lacking intelligence, and he's not lacking foresight, we don't know why he doesn't work' My parents will have a brief epiphany and get off of my fucking case. Two months later they'll be back on it, grounding me, yelling at me, calling me a failure, calling me weak for not going anywhere. Yet every single time they've asked a proffessional they always say the same thing, 'Punishing Teddy will get you NOWHERE'. And usually there's a brief epiphany. Then they get back on my fucking case. Just recently I was sent back to the hospital, and this time they decided to try something new. They suggested that I get a tutor, so that's what we did. Boom-badda-bing, all of a sudden I start doing good. My parents are happy. Then one Sunday afternoon they find me not doing homework. Then, naturally, they bitch. My dad says that this is all my fault, that I'm a failure, that I'm weak, ladeda. Then they send me upstairs to do my homework. Which I don't do. Woo, new period of bitching, followed by me being sent upstairs. This time someone is sent to make sure I do my homework, so my mom is about ten feet away doing some paperwork. Any time now she'll come over and say 'Is that homework?', and I'll lie and say 'Mmhmm'. Do they fucking realize that maybe it's NOT THEIR FUCKING FAULT?! They're so eager to have that one little power trip that they keep telling me what to do, without realizing that, hey, maybe I won't do it. You've been told time and fucking time again that this doesn't work. Why the fuck do they insist on this?! I'm doing my homework, that's better than me not doing it. Now as soon as I get one fucking assignment in they expect me to get everything in. I just don't fucking get it. So far I've only been able to work with a tutor. What the fuck makes them think I'll change? What the fuck makes them think that they can be assholes about it? For seven fucking years it hasn't worked. HAS NOT. So what will make it change this time? WHAT?! What the fuck makes them think that I'll succeed just 'cause they told me to. That's awfully fucking conceited of them. Yeah. Who the fuck do they think they are?! I'm really really really REALLY fucking angry right now. I want to throw something. I want to break something. I'd prefer to hurt myself over hurting someone else. That's the difference. You might think yourself all high and mighty, but I challenge you to this, can you be genuinly nice? Or are you just 'weak' and 'choosing to fail' What will yelling at me help, besides their wounded egos? And my apologies. This entire time I have been using the plural, my bad. There's only one culprit. My fucking dad. He's an asshole. He sends my mom to go make me do my homework. We've already explained why this is useless. So then when she doesn't succeed in making me do my work he doesn't have to say anything, my mom feels guilty anyways. Because she's such an amazingly caring and kind and sensitive person, he makes her feel like a failure without doing anything. My dad is a homophobic cunt who sticks to gender stereotypical parenting like it was a natural law. He's the one that doesn't get this. He's the one telling my mom what to do. He's the one yelling at me. He's the root of this whole fucking problem. He's just so fucking absorbed in how he sees the world that he doesn't even fucking notice that other people see things differently. He calls me weak for never succeeding. I call him weak for measuring his life in material possessions. He calls me weak for flunking out of class. I call him weak for being such a fuck-wit that he doesn't realize that he's doing anything wrong, trial and error for seven years and he still is in the dark. He calls me unmotivated because I never get anything done. I call him unmotivated because he's selfish, and the only motivation that matters is the selfless. He thinks he's so high and mighty because he's the breadwinner. Well, fuck you. Paint yourself a fucking martyr for working and feeding the family, but remember that we have to put up with you. I'm not saying that I'm not grateful, I love my financial status. I just don't see how he can call me weak for failing when he's only strong enough to hold up one aspect of his life. Ever heard of balance? Perfection is the minimum here. If my shrinks never told him that I didn't feel loved than he would have never said 'I love you' once in his life. Really. I bet my fucking ass that he says that on some cue. I doubt that he has a fucking heart. I don't see what the fuck is wrong with someone when they can be such a fuckwit AND an asshole. Fust for once I'd like to see him show some emotion, to show some fucking nerve. It takes a fuck of a lot to cry, and I've never seen him cry. Anyone can succeed, it takes a certain something to love. Well, don't call me weak because I'm the opposite of you. I'm just as strong in your weakness as you are in mine. But I don't judge you. No. I've never raised my voice at you. I've never threatened to hit you, I've never even considered it. So here's my note to the rest of the world. Who's the bigger man, the man who hits someone, or the man who turns the other cheek?
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060521
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