blather
even_self_distruction_doesnt_help_today
so fucking lost and thus i did run out of options.

no more methods, tired and true or otherwise, to contain these feelings.

its not allivation
its not stress reduction
and today its not even helping.
020529
...
josie Been burning out. Night welds into day and there's a constant mirage of earthquakes in supermarkets during these waking hours.
Endless configuration of what's actually happening instead of indulging in the most satisfying delight right now.. sleep.
Can't seem to bring myself to be in that house, sleeping there for this many months makes me feel like i should belong where i actually don't.
I'm finding comfort in chilli and base, and leathal doses of caffiene and nicotine.
020529
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josie my head is riddled with infant grapes and their pungent day-after stench. 020529