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EM - Barcelona
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my 3rd day in prague on the tram
i was told it was common
like staring at something you'd heard about but were only just now seeing one for the first time
she stared
and after a few repeated glances
i forced myself, against my usual nature, to stare back
directly into her eyes
i though if she's going to look, i'm going to look
young, czech, and beautiful
with a hint of mischievousness
i was fine until about the 6th second
then she smiled
it was like being hit in the chest with ten pound ball of adrenaline
my heart jumped to a faster beat
i felt the winter air rush in and tighten my lungs
it was that sudden feeling of
possiblility
i had already learned czech for 'good day' but had momentarily forgotten it
it was her stop
and i heard my own voice inside my head
"do something"
but it was silenced by another voice of doubt and reason
"usually they stare only because they're curious about foreigners, not because they're interested"
she walked out onto the snowy sidewalk and crossed the street
i kept staring, hoping for ego's sake to see her glance back
but she never did
my moment in time had closed
and i'll never know
ever wish you could redo one second of your life?
it's just enough time to change one decision
to swerve right into the ditch
instead of left into oncoming traffic
to stop yourself from starting that regrettable action
or to open your mouth and say one small thing
that might've made all the difference
i thought
"nice"
i passed and sat one meter past
i unlaced my leather heat-filled docs
straightened out my sock that had slipped down and filled the toe
then repeated with the other
i saw her look at me
the small spectacle
and smile
i smiled too at the thought of how i must've looked
and the fact that she was laughing at something i would have laughed at if i had been the viewer and not the entertainment
she got on
left side, facing forward
and me
right side facing back
after a few quick glances
momentarily meeting eyes
i tried for a prolonged stare
she followed suit and after a few seconds
smiled
then laughed
there were a few witnessing the small event on the crowed train
and she said something in spanish to one of them as she smiled
me?
no spanish
two years in high school
but still during my spacing out faze
in my head
the conversation went like this:
all you have to say is "hello"
yeah
you could even ask her name, you remember that much don't you?
yeah
but you're not going to do anything, are you?
when the train stops, you're just going to let her walk out and watch the doors close behind her, aren't you?
yeah
and why?
i dunno
you've got issues man.
i told myself as I watched her walk back down along the platform that if she glanced back I would run out
say excuse me
and ask her name in some sort of grand romantic gesture
but she never did
and would i have run out anyway?
another moment to ponder away
along with the others
i stepped off at my stop
and walked a bit slower
felt a little heavier
and slumped a little lower
what is it with me and trains?
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040303
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