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i_wish_i_could_say_this_out_loud
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under_the_hat
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when you left the house to the same place, same exact meeting I was headed, the offer to drive me as well would have been a considerate gesture.
at the meeting I wish we didn't have to start off talking about the failings of me. such a sore point, to have you come home to me sobbing into your shirt, and still it was all i heard today. "well, thank god everyone got dressed on time".
MAYBE SOMEONE SHOULD HAVE TOLD ME WHAT THE REAL CALL TIME WAS.
you make me feel overwhelmed.
sometimes i don't want to do this anymore.
i wish i didn't feel pressured to do this.
i wish i didn't have this anxiety about everything people see, everything people say.
i wish i didn't feel like i'm always failing the company.
i don't have to do this.
even when i think about that, i'm on the verge of tears. i want to do this.
sometimes i want to feel important.
i never feel important.
someone i respect once told me this was holding me back. i was so much better.
how do i go into a new project with that little seed at the back of my mind... starting to sprout after every time I've done something that doesn't please.
Camille nailed down how i feel. That magazine spread nailed it down too. Behind the scenes.
The hired help.
Faceless.
Nameless.
take away the choreography,
you are an actor in a costume.
when the costumes are gone,
you have an act that's just like every other one in the city.
i'm so angry so frustrated upset annoyed there's this rage and i don't know how to calm it and i'm trying to change trying to change how i work and how this process is done i thought i was on the right track to improving and there's no recognition i still have these fuckups that can't seem to be forgiven and there's no trust and all i hear is condescending remarks
and i really don't don't know if you know you do this
or maybe you do and its your way of showing how angry disappointed you are in me.
i wish i knew what to do about this anxiety.
i wish i knew whether it would be smart to let you read this.
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131013
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caresscoffee
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I love you, I have loved you since our first conversation and I'm convinced that I'll never meet anyone who gets me like you do... I don't have to have finish my sentences anymore because you get me so well, but why don't you love me?
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131015
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Eye Doll A Tree
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Goodbye cruel world
I'm leaving you today
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye
Goodbye all you people
There's nothing you can say
To make me change
My mind
Goodbye.
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131015
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daf
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Nice try. You'll never get off THAT easy, you know. See you next life, silly.
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131015
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roger waters
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they're pink_floyd lyrics, daf. haven't you heard the_wall?
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131015
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dafremen
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Haven't you ever heard them quoted in a fit of self-pity?
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131015
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under_the_hat
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You know. I'm glad I didn't say anything.
The anger is still there, growing?
New project and I still can't seem to please. Really? Why am I trying to please you?
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131017
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daf
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Why indeed.
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150908
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