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Janie
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Dear Johnny
I would understand if getting this from me would fill you would such anger and rage that you would be saying "Fuck You!". I know you are hurting and nothing I can say can change that. It probably wouldn't help if you knew that I am hurting too. For a different reason. And to think that things are so screwed up because of a cat that we both wanted. There are moments when I think I could give her back to you so that we could be on speaking terms. It is during those moments when I think of being just friends with you. I know that you would want to get on with your life, and seeing me would not help that. But there are some things I miss so much about you that it makes me crazy. Even if I can never be in a relationship with you. Mostly the things that we used to laugh about and our private jokes. I will hear something funny and it kills me that I can't share it with you. But it isn't a joke that made me think of you this time. It was a song I heard on the radio. It's a song by a rap artist called Trick Daddy. He sampled Ozzie's "Crazy Train" and it sounded so cool. And all I could think of was that when I get the CD that I wanted to play it for you. I know all of this doesn't change anything. YOU HATE ME. I wish things didn't have end like they did. Now that some time has passed, I can see things from a different perspective. We had some great years together, but we both changed. I do hope that your life can become good again. I mean this with all sincerity. I sometimes worry that the breakup would cause something terrible to happen to you emotionally. I know that you are tough and strong because you are a guy, but eventually your feelings come to the surface. So maybe I'm a bit curious how you are doing and how angry you are. Please don't write back to vent anger. Only write if you really want to. Perhaps I will reconsider the cat situation, if it seems best. I don't know if it would change our ability to be friends or if you would want that. I will leave it up to you.
Take care,
Janie
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041010
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