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love & hate
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The sound of the rain
as it falls on my flesh,
once so comforting,
now, i feel nothing but pain.
An excruciating pain,
as it tears through by body
making me numb to everything,
everyone means nothing.
My first taste of love,
so sweet but now so bitter
as the flovour i once knew
distorts itself into a creature
i dont recognise.
It constantly torments me,
in my dreams, when i wake,
never am i at rest,
always hurting
always tearing at my bare pure flesh.
This was brought on by myself,
i cannot blame anyone else.
Just a stupid little girl,
with stupid hopes and dreams.
All of them crushed,
everything's destroyed
except for this existance
which i am forced to keep.
Nothing is the same as it was,
nothing ever will be.
This is the same as it was,
nothing ever will be.
This is the path chosen for me,
by the one i gave my heart to.
By the one i trusted entirely,
by the one i believed.
Everything is lost,
swallowed by the constant pain
as it eats through me,
overwhelms me
with the power it has over me.
Nothing left but this body
i was forced to take on.
I wish i could blow it all away,
disperse it like cigarette smoke
through my mouth.
Make it not part of me,
just part of the wind.
I am no more,
not me, not who i was,
but who i am now,
a tortured soul
crying out to be herd,
by something or someone,
to take this life from me.
A life which i do not wish to own.
A life wanting only death,
wanting an escape
from this pain
which was onced called love,
the pain that is now part of me.
Release me,
so i can be free from this torment
which has smothered
my once beating heart.
And given me nothing,
nothing but fear and regret
for something i yearn for,
something i crave,
now stolen from me
the love i have was stolen
by the person i gave it to,
the person i gave my heart,
the person i will not give up on,
even though i have given up on myself
as i continue to not exist
in a cruel world,
full of heartbreak,
and excruciating pain.
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040513
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