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Randal Graves: People dictate their own behavior.
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Dante Hicks: You get me slapped with a fine, you argue with the customers and I have to patch everything up, you get us thrown out of a funeral by violating the corpse, and then to top it off, you ruin my relationship. I mean, what's your encore? Do you, like, anally rape my mother while pouring sugar in my gas tank?
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Dante Hicks: Theoretically, people see money on the counter, and no one around, they think they're being watched.
Veronica: Honesty through paranoia.
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Silent Bob: [T]here's a million fine looking women in the world, dude. But, they don't all bring you lasagna at work. Most of 'em just cheat on you.
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Dante Hicks: I'm not even supposed to be here today.
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Customer: Cute cat. What's its name?
Randal Graves: Annoying customer.
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Randal Graves: Salsa shark. We're gonna need a bigger boat. Man goes into cage, cage goes into salsa, shark's in the salsa.
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Randal Graves: People say crazy shit during sex. One time I called this girl "Mom."
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Randal Graves: Which did you like better? "Jedi" or "The Empire Strikes Back?"
Dante Hicks: "Empire."
Randal Graves: Blasphemy.
Dante Hicks: "Empire" had the better ending. Luke gets his hand cut off, finds out Vader is his father, uh, Han gets frozen, taken away by Boba Fett. It ends on such a down note. I mean, that's what life is, a series of down endings. All "Jedi" had was a bunch of Muppets. -----
Randal Graves: There's nothing more exhilarating than pointing out the shortcomings of others, is there?
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Randal Graves: I could do without the people in the video store.
Dante Hicks: Which ones?
Randal Graves: All of them.
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Dante Hicks: I'm stuck in this pit, working for less than slave wages, working on my day off, the steel shutters are closed, I deal with every
backward-assed fuck on the planet, I smell like shoe polish, my ex-girlfriend is catatonic after fucking a dead guy, and my present girlfriend has sucked thirty-six dicks.
Randal Graves: Thirty-seven.
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Dante Hicks: You hate people!
Randal Graves: But, I love gatherings, isn't it ironic?
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Caitlin Bree: I'm offering you my body, and you're offering me semantics.
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Randal Graves: This job would be great if it wasn't for the fucking customers.
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Caged Animal Masturbator: It's important to have a job that makes a difference, boys. That's why I manually masturbate caged animals for artificial insemination.
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Dante Hicks: You ever notice that all the prices end in nine? Damn, that's eerie.
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Randal Graves: She'll get over fuckin' a dead guy. Shit, my Mom's been fuckin' a dead guy for thirty years--I call him Dad.
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Dante Hicks: My friend here is trying to convince me that any independent contractors who were working on the uncompleted Death Star, were innocent victims when they were destroyed by the Rebels.
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Randal Graves: [C]aitlin, break his heart again this time, and I'll kill ya. Nothing personal.
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Randal Graves: No time for love, Dr. Jones.
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Randal Graves: I don't appreciate your ruse, ma'am.
Indecisive Customer: I beg your pardon?
Randal Graves: Your ruse. Your cunning attempt to trick me.
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Randal Graves: You'd feel a Hell of a lot better if you'd just rip into the occasional customer.
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Jay: Tonight, were gonna rip off this
fucker's head, and take out his fcking soul.
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Dante Hicks: [T]ry not to suck any dick on the way to the parking lot!
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Randal Graves: I'm a firm believer in the philosophy of a ruling class. Especially since I rule.
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Randal Graves: I know I'm your hero.
thank you KS
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