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too much
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i'm sorry. i sit here, sometimes, and think of things to say and i have to censor most of it, because so-and-so might think i'm talking to them. or i fear the reaction i'd get from some other person and so i don't want to start that because then i'd have to defend something that was just supposed to be a vague take-it or leave-it, anyway. so i try to say the things that have nothing to do with anything. and occasionally talk to the people i really want to talk to, in danger of getting the reactions i don't want to deal with from the other people.
i don't deal with people normally. if i can't just do whatever i want here, i have to leave. i can't solve anybody's problems, or make people feel better. i don't think i've ever actually made anybody feel better around here, only given them the hope. but i've always wanted that hope to be a generalized hope for everything, not a hope for me. chasing me. all the time. lots of people. so i just run you out into the realm of possibilities and uncertainty. it's the best i can do. i belong to the world, but i spend all my time on the internet.
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010104
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