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misstree
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the first few times were too good. i should have seen it coming.
a week before, i had howled and reveled and earned five of my spots. i danced like falling cherry blossoms, weightless, liquid, so very much There. i met a scruffy and delicious gent who insisted that it would be his pleasure to take me home that night, and the pleasure turned out to be quite mutual. i got glittered. i ate steak. all, every last bit, was right with the world.
last night i was wearing something that was just a little bit skankier than i was. one of the straightpins holding it together stabbed the beautiful boy from the week previous before i could even say a word to him. i had a hick to predate all night, but that's bologona when you crave steak. i missed my hunting partner so very very much. i was sick_of_it_all, and everything hurt. i took a cab home and now i'm nearly desperately penniless.
i woke up late for work, and the despair swallowed me. feeling so useless and wrong and broken. feeling like a betrayer because i cannot do better for others. feeling like i fail myself most of all.
and today, well,
i'm waiting to see what court tomorrow brings
and hoping to not have to go to jail
and just keeping myself still
so the sharks don't feel the vibration
and circle any closer.
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050929
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