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"I got into an argument with a tree," he told me.
This is what he says instead of "I ran into a tree."
I'm not sure who won; he's swollen on the left side of his body and his jacket is torn, but the tree was knocked down and broken. I think I'm going to have to go with the human on this one, that tree got its sappy ass kicked.
"My worst injuries are behind me," he says, as if it will stop me from worrying. It doesn't. I'm reminded of that old radio gag, the one where a sports reporter is interviewing a battered and cauliflowered boxer:
"How many fights have you had?"
(dazed) "Hunderds."
"How many have you lost?"
"Hunderds."
"How do you explain that?"
"Can't win 'em all."
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