always_walking_behind_me
daxle
emotions
in
a
spill
-
I
remember
the
times
when
none
of
you
were
here
,
when
"
silentbob
"
and
"
birdmad
"
were
the
new
people
.
And
I
have
my
kitten
crying
at
me
desperately
for
reasons
I
can't
understand
and
can't
do
anything
about
.
When
I
was
11
I
cried
desperately
for
my
kitten
who
my
mom
threatened
to
take
back
if
I
couldn't
get
him
to
take
his
worm
medicine
.
She's
been
doing
stuff
like
that
to
me
my
whole
life
.
And
I've
been
feeling
desperately
confused
and
sad
at
times
for
my
whole
life
.
And
I
think
this
is
part
of
what
it
means
to
be
human
.
But
what
I
can't
comprehend
is
this
-
why
?
And
what
I
will
always
be
doing
is
going
on
regardless
.
I'll
always
cry
at
movies
where
loved
ones
who
have
died
come
back
to
life
.
I'll
always
cry
at
movies
where
someone
is
penalized111 (
kitten
type
)
for
not
being
smart
enough
.
And
I'll
never
be
able
to
say
everything
I'm
feeling
and
there
will
always
be
ups
and
downs
and
these
lows
I
feel
will
always
go
away
.
But
they'll
always
come
back
.
I
will
always
come
back
to
the
same
places
I've
been
before
.
(
claws
in
thin
shoulder
skin
)
Incoherency.
Failure
to
form
complete
thoughts
.
Even
though
I
should
feel
vindicated
having
a
bachelor
of
science
degree
at
age
21
,
I'll
always
feel
stupid
.
I'll
always
remember
that
day
my
mom
told
me
I
was
bound
to
live
on
the
streets
and
be
totally
useless
to
the
world
.
020702
...
daxle
catharis
by
all
bets
off
MY
BELOVED
NICKY
IS
DEAD
TODAY
HE'S
BEEN
DEAD
FOR
THE
LAST
FIVE
YEARS
THE
WOUND
SCARRED
,
BUT
THE
SCAR
WON'T
FADE
BECAUSE
EACH
DAY
HIS
GHOST
APPEARS
ALWAYS
WALKING
BESIDE
ME
ALWAYS
STANDING
BEHIND
ME
AND
EVERY
DAY
,
IN
EVERY
WAY
I
FIND
SOMETHING
TO
REMIND
ME
NO
STRANGER
TO
DEATH
THESE
DAYS
THIS
HEART
,
THIS
HEART
HAS
GROWN
STRONG
BUT
A
PART
OF
ME
DIED
WITH
HIM
THAT
DAY
SO
THIS
ONE
HERE
IS
NICKY'S
SONG
OF
ALL
THE
FRIENDS
I'VE
BURIED
I
MISS
MY
NICKY
THE
MOST
OF
ALL
THE
FRIENDS
I'VE
BURIED
I
MISS
MY
NICKY
THE
MOST
I'VE
WATCHED
THE
EDGES
FRAY
I'VE
WATCHED
THE
COLORS
RUN
I'VE
WATCHED
ALL
I
CARE
TO
WATCH
I'VE
SEEN
WHAT
BECOMES
BECOMES
OF
US
BECOMES
OF
US
020702
...
daxle
I
should
have
been
the
one
who
died
that
way
.
Sadly
I
believe
that
in
the
end
he
would
be
in
less
pain
.
I'm
tired
of
hearing
that
I
should
be
less
hard
on
myself
and
that
I
should
be
better
in
the
same
breath
.
This
is
who
I
am
.
And
god
I
try
but
I
know
my
trying
will
never
be
enough
.
There's
no
landing
deck
in
life
.
Always
ever
pushing
.
I
guess
there's
supposed
to
come
a
day
when
you
get
over
watching
a
piece
of
you
die
.
So
I
guess
I'll
just
twiddle
my
thumbs
and
wipe
my
teary
snot
on
my
sleeves.
020702
...
pavement
no
sleep
there's
no
survivors
there's
no
surViiiivors
020703
