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Raina Daughter of David
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This is the date that my father passed away. While he mostly operated in a monetary capacity, and was emotionally unavailible most of the time, I am greatful to him and miss him much more than a blather can express.
Out of the six children he fathered, I was the only one he stuck around. Married my mom, set up a home and even adopted my mother's child from a previous marriage.
He was moody, sardonic, had a horrible temper, and beat my mother occasionally. He also had a way with words, a penchant for saying insightful things when in the right mood, and a smile that would melt the panties off of the Devil's daughter.
I look at myself in the mirror and see him constantly. He had me reading before preschool, made kick-ass chilli, and introduced me to meditation. He used to tell me to sit still, look for the "blue light", and take a trip. I think he did this mainly to keep me quiet while mom was @ her second job, but hey- he tried.
He tried.
Of course he was not fated to be a good father. He ran away from 5 other kids, and was not reared by his own. He did the best that he thought he could do. Even as I look back and disagree with some of his decisions, there's no doubt in my mind that he loved me.
What I am thankful for is the summer of '94. During that summer, I'd been kicked out of college, got my first apartment, and was beginning to experience life outside of daddy's watchful eye. Was happy to be able to tell him about college life, without fearing his reaction. Even told him about the day when I moved into the dorms, I saw the tears of pride fall silently from his eye when he thought no one was looking.
I miss him so much, I don't know what to do sometimes.
For now, all I can do is keep this blathe bookmarked, hold good memories close, and try to live the values that he tried to teach me.
In Memory Of
"Fuzzy Wuzzy Bear"
01-29-40 07-13-94
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040707
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